and people ask why

I am tired of hearing people ask why we are fighting a war against terrorism. I am tired of people bashing our president. I am tired of hearing people bad mouth our military personnel.

Too often people forget that we have to fight for what we have. We can't take it for granted.

This was sent to me today as a reminder of how important it is to never forget. We are lucky to live in this country. With our freedoms, where we can make choices, where we can make a better life for ourselves.

Don't ever forget that there are those who would like to take those things away.

http://www.olivetreeviews.org/topics/movies/attack.html

shopping success?

Well, I found some pants. I won't post a picture of them. They are pretty standard black pants.

I also found shoes that will work. They are not the absolutely fab black strapy heals I was hoping for, but there is always tomorrow. And at least I don't have the stress.

So, picture these...

With this...

With a pair of black pants.

What do you think?

blah, blah, blah

Is it wrong to not want to give my darling BF my blog? There is something that tells me to not let him read it. Keep it (relatively) private. I don't know why it's so important to him to see it. And if I show it to him, can I still rant about him when he pisses me off?

How can one person own so much crap? As I look around my house I can not believe I have so much stuff. How did I ever live with someone? I have enough stuff to fill my two bedroom house and the garage. How does that happen?

Why am I going to my 20 year reunion? I didn't like most ot the people I went to school with. They didn't seem to like me. My real friends were in other grades. And my real friends now didn't go to high school with me. I must just really be a glutton for punishment to want to go back to those times.

Why is it noon and I am still still in my bathrobe and towel when I should be dressed and out looking for the perfect pants to wear to the reunion. I found the perfect top, just need pants and maybe a splurge on some really cool strappy black heals.

where or where has my mojo gone...

oh, where oh where could it be. I have the table set up, the tools out, pictures printed, paper selected, ebelishments available, and I can't get going. I want to get my China scrapbook done by Friday (come on, it's do-able, it will only have 300 pictures in it).

I like the way the front page turned out, but can't get it together beyond that. I started with a plan. I even went as far as punching out all the letters for the titles and running them through the sticker machine. Then I added a third color to the book, now some of the titles won't work in the color I punched. Now, I suppose I could just punch them again in the other color, but that would be wasteful. And with as much money has I have been spending I don't want to waste paper or sticker stuff. I could lay all the pages out the same, then the letters would work. But is that boring? It would make the process go by A LOT faster. But then do I look uncreative? ARGH!!!! Why do I like this hobby? It makes me crazy, it has come so far with so much "stuff" I don't feel free to create, I feel paralized by the "stuff." HELP!!!

Here is the cover page, what do you think? Excuse the quality, my scanner would work for the size, so I took a picture.

Revenge taken a step too far

About a week ago I stumbled onto a blog by a woman who was seeking revenge on her cheating husband (I am sure many of you have read her blog, if you haven't I'm not passing it on).

It started out kind of fun and entertaining, but then got down right mean and nasty. I feel for the woman. Her life was torn apart. But to seek revenge to the degree that she did is a bit unacceptable in my book. She went as far as doing a couple of things that I believe are illegal. She pulled the in-laws into the mix, that is where I started to not feel so bad for this lady. The in-laws didn't have anything to do with the husband's cheating ways. Why hurt them? She got co-workers and clients involved by sending them emails in the husband's name. Why get these innocent people involved?

She just got so carried away and hurtful that it went from funny to downright scary.

In life we all hurt our share of people we love and who love us. Sometimes it's intentional, most of the time it's not. I just hope that we are all more forgiving/understanding/willing to let it go than this woman was.

Not saying she needs to forgive him. Take him to cleaners in divorce court (I don't think she lives in a "no-fault" state). But don't drag the world into your rage. You need to take out some revenge...go ahead...but know where to draw the line.

She definitely did not know where to draw the line.

Some more on China

Okay, I know I'm giving you China in tiny bits at a time...but there's a lot to tell. Like, after visiting China I will never, and I mean NEVER, complain about a public rest room again (and that includes beach bathrooms, and those who visit the beach often know what I mean).

The public rest rooms in China have got to be the worst on the planet. If there are worse one's I don't think I want to visit there.

First off they use these funky squat toilets.

Not too big of a deal, except for the few days following the Great Wall. I had trouble getting off a chair, so squatting was out. There was usually one "western" toilet in each public "toilet" (yes, they don't have rest rooms, they gave toilets).

Second, most of the time there wasn't any paper provided. So, I spent a lot of time rolling mini-rolls in my hotel rooms (which, thankfully, had western style toilets).

Third, the sinks were usually in a little area between the men's and women's. Not that I mind sharing, but (fourth problem) the stench was enough to kill an elephant. I really don't think they ever clean them. There was one that looked nice, but the smell wafted out about 40 - 50 feet from the entrance. I thought I was going to pass out, but had no choice, the next chance would be 2-3 hours later.

This really was my only issue with China. Like I said before...I had a great time! I recommend it to anyone...In fact if your interested I could hook you up with the travel group I went with. It's a great deal, and big ole' bucket of fun.

Note: the picture was taken in a restaurant...just as this lovely Chinese woman walked in.

how rude

When I set up a meeting or appointment with someone I show up on time, and usually at least 1o minutes early. I expect to wait those 10 minutes, I don't expect to be seen early (but if you can great). I don't even expect to be seen right at the appointed time, I don't mind waiting a few minutes.

What I hate is when I show up, the receptionist has to track the person I'm supposed to meet down. When found he/she is at another meeting, away from the office and will be another 30 - 40 minutes. I especially hate this when the last time I met with the same person he was 30 minutes late.

Want to know what makes it worse...When I come back an hour later and this person still isn't in the office and hasn't bothered to call me or the receptionist to tell me I should just head home because he isn't going to make it back. All this should be happening with extreme amounts of groveling for forgiveness because I had to drive 30 minutes to get to the office and now have to fight traffic all the way home without having accomplished a thing.

It's even worse when 2 hours after the appointed meeting time, I still haven't gotten a phone call explaining to me WHY I HAD TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO HIS OFFICE FOR NOTHING~

Maybe I need to find someone else to do my refi?

Rock Star

Last summer I was absolutely glued to the TV for Rock Star: INXS. I mean I would get upset if M expected me to miss a night. This year...not so much. I really find the talent lacking. There are a few perks to watching, Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee, but other than that...whatever.

The Great Wall

On my first full day in China one of the many things we did was visit the Great Wall. This was one of the highlights of the trip. To walk on a structure that was built before the US existed was so amazing. And to think of the fact that they didn't have the technology available today...WOW!

The climb was a bit difficult. The steps were very rustic and did not follow a standard rise/tread pattern. So you might have several normal size steps then one huge step. This really wasn't a problem on the way up...but on the way down, whoa! The grade of the climb was also very steep, again not bad going up, very scary going down.

If given the chance I would totally climb the wall again. In fact if we would have had more time, I would have climbed higher. I may not have made it to the top, but I can say that I made it high enough to be considered a hero, according to our guide, Richard.

The views from the wall were spectacular! I could not believe how green China is. It is greatly attributed to the humidity. And let me tell you, was it humid.




The tower we climbed to is just below the one you see in the center top. They kind of blend together.







Here is a picture of the group of us who actually made it to this level. If we look drippy it's because we just climb a bucket load of stairs in 90 degree weather with at least 90% humidity. We were drippy, but it was so worth it.

in the great sceme of things

I think mom trumps daughter in the realm of funeral. Today was R's funeral and although the service was nice there were some things just plain PISSED ME OFF. First, K (R's daughter) didn't tell the minister officiating that there were two sons! Second, she didn't tell the minister there was a fiance! My family was so offended, at first M told me not to say anything to the minster (he knows how I can be when it comes to my mom), but when other people mentioned it after I had to say something. I was nice, I just walked up to him and said..."excuse me, I just wanted to let you know that R was engaged to be married...to my mom!" He didn't even know. He appoligized and then said he would recognize her at the grave side service. I am so glad I didn that because in the car, my mom said she was a little hurt that she hadn't been mentioned. She wanted everyone to know that R had plans for his future.

I talked to R's mom and sister, they are both very upset with K's behavior. So are at least one niece and nefew of R's. They think K and the boys should be giving more to my mom. In fact his mom feels they should give everything to her and let her decide who gets what. At the after reception K was already talking about how she was going to spend the money she was getting from this. Her exact words "I'm fortunate enough to have come into this money...so I'm going to law school." She was fortunate enough to have her father die! It's just sick! Here we all are grieving the loss of a great man and all she can do is talk about the money. I could go on and on about the little things that she did to make this day even harder....but I won't. But to give you an indication of her...someone stoped the minister and mentioned that R had two sons and one was there...the minister appreciated the information K and her "best friend" rolled their eyes. Keep in mind this is just one in the long line of things today that said she is only focused on the dollar signs.

Could someone please come and slap this girl!

China, part 1

This will be the first of many posts about my trip to China. Let me start with...WOW! I had such an incredible time. It was so amazing to see things that were built before the US was even a glimmer in someone's eye.

The posts won't follow any particular order of the trip, just what I feel like talking about at the time. Tonight I feel like talking about the hotels.

I had been warned that the Chinesse 4 star hotel would be very different from the US 4 star hotel. It was...it was better. The hotels where amazing, we even stayed at a Howard Johnson, and let me tell you it was WAY better than any HoJo's have have even seen.

The only problem was the beds were like rocks! Or at least I thought this was a problem until I realized my back wasn't bothering me, even after all the walking we were doing. My back has bothered me more since getting home than it did the entire trip. There must really be something to those rock hard beds.

Every hotel also had silk comforters. Those are amazing. I didn't buy any while in China, but plan to if I ever go back. I won't buy them here, they only cost about $60 there.

Here are the rooms I stayed in...

Bejing

Suzhou



Hangzhou


Shanghai

Pretty nice, huh?

!@%#^%#@

My sleep clock is completely fucked up! Between the time difference in China, R's death, the stress of the fucking theiving sons and ex-wife coming to town and hoping my mom at least gets the things she wants from his house I'm going fucking nuts.

***note the use of profanity, I must be stressed.

We weren't finished with him

Last night my mom's fiance, R, passed away. He's the one with the brain tumor discovered just a couple weeks ago. He had been in and out of the hospital for the past few weeks. And he died suddenly last night at home.

I just don't understand why this had to happen. And don't tell me that god has his reasons for everything. This was mean and hurtful! We weren't finished with him, my mom wasn't finished with him. They had so many plans for their future, they were so happy together. And now he's just gone. He was one of the best men I had ever met. He stood by mom mom when she got her cancer, he took her to treatment, sat with her in the hospital and made sure she was okay when the chemo made her sick. They didn't deserve to go through this, my mom doesn't deserve this. Everyone always says to pray to god for things...well, I did pray, alot...and he died anyway. He died too soon. We knew that things didn't look good, but it was sudden, and mean and hurtful.

To make matters worse, there isn't a power of attorney (the day mom was scheduled to take him to the lawyer he ended up in emergency), so she won't get anything. She is having to ask if certain things are found if she could have them, because maybe they were gifts she had bought for him. I know he would want to have more, he would want her taken care of. But there won't be a thing. And I know this isn't the important thing, but it matters. Thankfully, R's daughter K, wants my mom involved in the funeral plans, that's a good sign that maybe, just maybe, they will think of her as family when they start going through everything.

We all felt as though he was part of our family. We loved him and we weren't ready to let him go. I hadn't seen him in a week because I was in China. I saw him the day before I left. I visited in the hospital, but a short visit, I was in a rush to get home and finish getting ready to for the trip. I should have stayed and visited longer, he was kind of himself that day. He hadn't been himself for weeks. I should have visited longer, maybe I shouldn't have gone on my trip, I don't know. But I wasn't ready to let him go.

My mom had gone to lunch with a friend after spending the morning visiting with him. After lunch she wen't home to take a nap. When she got up she called and asked if he wanted more company, he said yes and seemed fine. When she arrived at his house a whole 5 minutes later, he was in the bathroom, and then he was gone. She didn't even get to see him again, she didn't get a kiss or to say "I love you".

My niece, J, was teaching him how to be a grandpa. She's on OR with her dad camping. She doesn't even know yet. It's going to devestate her. She was so excited to have Grandpa R.

It's devestated us all. We just weren't finished with him.

How?

How do you pack up 30 years of memories and life and move it to another state?

With a lot of pain, stress and grief.

Sunday my sister's family and I left owr homes and drove 5 hours to the middle of Nowhere, California to help our dad and his wife pack my grandmother for a move to Phoenix.

Grandma has lived in her current home for 30 years, up until 10 years ago with Grandma V (who was a gardner and carpenter). Now, this week will end an era. Almost like closing a book, at least that is the way she looks at it.

As we packed things into boxes and tried to get her to part with anything she felt as though we were ripping her life away. The smallest of items had meaning. There were empty jars, boxes and boxes of empty jars, apparently for canning, that needed to be thrown away. Tons of yard sale items that had no meaning to anyone in the family and the only meaning to her was that she could make a buck. Boxes of fabric that could not be gotten rid of.

Whether this is a by product of living in very poor times or greed we don't know. What we do know is that this is tearing her appart. She would stash things in her tiny bedroom, knowing full well we would end up in there eventually.

She bad mouthed us anytime she couldn't find something, sure we had thrown something away, something of value, only to find it in some shape or form completly different from what she had us looking for. She felt as though we were conspiring against her. This made it much harder on all of us. We were all at our wits end. We were there to help, not to hurt.

But when it really comes down to it, how do you pack up 30 years of memories and happiness? How do you let go of the "stuff" and keep what is truely important. This is hard for her. I wish there was some way to help her see that we aren't trying to tear her life from her, we are trying to tear away the clutter so the memories and precious things can shine through. That we aren't trying to close her book, but help her start her new chapter. A chapter that she can enjoy with friends and family.


*I have photos, but blogger won't let me upload them...they will come later.

dreams

I'm not talking about the kind that you have for your future or the future of your children. I'm talking about the kind that you have during that hour when you alarm clock went off and the time you actually wake up from said dream.

This morning I had a dream about anothe ex-boyfriend (yes, he too had become a very dear friend). We lost touch when he got married. I don't think it was because of his wife (if it was I wish he would have told me that), I think it was just life that caused us to forget to keep in touch.

Anyway, this dream...my friend C and I are at a party, a Disney party (I don't know why, she never worked there and I haven't for 11 years) and from across the room I recognize T's voice. I race over and receive a big hug and we proceed to lay on the floor and catch up (kinda, it's more like catching up and hearing the stuff I have always thought would be going on with his life at various times), during this catching up he tells me they are having a baby. I am very excited for him, he shows me the really cool theatrical lighting they are putting in the baby's room and then I wake up.

It's crazy. It could be because I have been thinking about tracking people down I don't know. I would want to get in touch with T again because he was one of my few grounding forces. He kept me in reality. I have such wonderful memories of dating him and being his friend (and when we were dating most of the time it was more like being friends). He introduced me to hockey and a great group of friends. He taught me that you could have fun anyplace and that spending time with friends and loved ones is important. Just enjoy them...they won't always be there.

T was there for me early on when my marriage was breaking up. We would talk on the phone for hours. He would help me see the brighter side, pointing out that even if it didn't work out it wouldn't be the end of the world. He was a wonderful friend and I would love to be in touch with him again.


*I have noticed a trend here...the last three entries have been about friends. I must be feeling a need right now. Now, to just figure out exactly what that need is.

the god of goldfish

Today I had the wonderful opportunity to spend some time with an ex-boyfriend, who had become a friend and then we lost touch. We will just call him "the god of goldfish" (it's a long story and an old nickname).

I would say it has been 10-11 years since I have seen the god of goldfish, easy. And it was like we had seen each other a few months ago. He is a great guy and is doing very well for himself.

Many people find it either hard or inapporpriate for ex's to remain friends. I disagree, I think it can be healthy, if handled as it should be...as friends. I don't like to go around not liking people (although there are a few). I don't want to best buddies with these ex's, but I do like the occassional lunch, email or phone call. The one that just lets me know how he's doing, if he's happy and what's going on. I mean these people once held a very special place in my heart, that doesn't always just go away. And with this particular person the breakup wasn't bad, it just wasn't working.

When I tracked down the god of goldfish, I was inadvertantly connected with his brother (who goes by the same name, it's his middle and the g-o-g's first name, hence the confusion by the uncle who got my letter), but I knew this brother well so it was nice to catch up.

When I finally got the real thing I was very happy to find out that he had gotten married and his wife was expecting. The only sadness came because I hadn't been in touch sooner so I could have shared in his special moment. At this time we had exchanged emails, phone numbers and spent the greater part of an hour talking. After that it became a few emails. After almost two years I nailed him down to a lunch date, only if it was going to be okay with his wife. The last thing I want to do is cause problems for him, I mean this guy is really happy with his wife. He said she would be fine with it and today was the big day.

Four hours later I finally left his office. We had an amazing visit. I got to see pictures of all of his kids (they recently had another baby, making it 4. A step daughter, twin girls and then the baby boy), the wife, trips they had taken and various siblings I had known. We had a great meal and enjoyed catching up on the happenings of the past 10 years. I hope that this friendship can continue to grow and that I will have the opportunity to meet his wife and the kids in person.

I love reconnecting with old friends. I wish I could make it happen more often. There are so many people I would love to see or just talk to. Perhaps that would be a good goal...reconnect with at least one friend each month and make a commitment to keep in touch. What do you think?

...

7 DAYS UNTIL CHINA!!!

good friends, margaritas and carnitas

Last night I had my best friend (C) and her husband (D) over for dinner with M and I. Since C an I do the exact same thing for a living we never get to see each other during the school year. Drama teachers are crazy busy that way. The last two days we have hour long phone conversations, which has been great, but considering we live less than 5 minutes from each other it doesn't make sense that we don't get together.

So, I had made my first attempt at making carnitas (which turned out very good), and knowing M and I couldn't eat all if it, I invited C and D for dinner. And much to my pleasure they were able to come.

We had a wonderful time sitting on the back patio, trying to keep Stoli out of our faces while we ate and chatted for a couple of hours. Spending this time with C & D reminded me how much I really enjoy them, as individuals and as a couple. D is the first husband of a friend were when I call to talk to her, if she isn't home he and I will talk for a good 20 minutes before I ask to have her call me.

I have know C since college. We hit it off pretty quickly and became friends right away. For the most part during that time it was a pretty casual friendship, as we got further into the direct study of Theatre Education we became closer and closer (there were only 4 Theatre Ed majors in the department). We had a lot of classes together. In fact there are a couple that I could not have passed without her help as a study buddy. And there are times where she couln't have gotten by without me knowing when all the tests and assignments were, I always had penciles and paper.

We have continued to grow our friendship over the years. She was the maid of honor in my wedding and my main support system during my divorce. She has reasured me in times of doubt regarding my decisions and helped me see how much the marriage was killing my spirit in the end. She has pointed out how much of a stronger person I am now and how I had lost myself for a long time. Through everything she hasn't pushed, but rather pointed out the facts of various situations. She is always the first person I call in a crisis and in when I have happy news.

She is passionate and insightful. She feels deeply and strongly. She is talented and artistic. She is funny, caring and understanding.

I am so thankful that I have C in my life. I can only hope that I have been as good of a friend to her as she has been to me.

and the medical chaos continues

Stoli - the new blood work came back. Apparently the antibotics are doing the trick because they didn't say anything about having the very expensive ultrasound and biopsy done. The Dr just wants to continue the first antibiotic and put him on a special perscription diet and retest in a month. That makes me feel a lot better about delaying the expensive stuff.

R - My mom's fiance has finally come home, although he has to see a nuerosurgeon this week. There still isn't really any word on what type of brain tumor he has and he is still pretty confused because of the presure being put on his brain. We are all hoping for the best and that when this is all over we get the old R back, because he really is a great guy.

Mom - her final round of the "T" chemo has really knocked her down. She is feeling more tired than ever. But the chemo is done, she will finish out 52 treatments of Herceptin and have radiation, then sometime after that we should know if they killed every last cancer cell in her body. We are all staying very positive about this.

My turn - went to have my leg checked, it was supposed to be the last time. The scab came off yesterday. Now, this was not your normal scab offing...I didn't pick at it, it hadn't been flaking off for days, I just tried putting some neosporin on it and the scab just slid right off, in one piece. So, when I went to the doctor for the appointment it looked a bit raw, but felt fine. The Dr (or should I say PA) is concerned because it should be healed by now, it's been two months. She says it doesn't matter how bad the stitches were done, it should be finshed healing by now. We took a culture of what she assumed was puss (I know kind of gross) and sent it out for testing. I got back next Monday to see why I'm not healed. My feeling on this, I'm not healed because my body isn't finished healing.

the frustrations of medicine

Last week (Wednesday or Thursday, I can't remember) my mom's fiance, R, had to be taken to the hospital. He was very disoriented and confused, almost in a coma type state. He is diabetic and his blood sugar was high, but apparently that wasn't causing the problem.

It has taken until yesterday for them to figure out that he has some kind of brain tumor. That is all the information we have. And because R and my mom aren't married yet, and there isn't any paperwork stating she should be told everything, getting information is tough. R is still very confused about everything, so when the Dr. tells him stuff, it may not get to my mom in it's full and complete form.

We are hoping for the results on the MRI tomorrow. Although we aren't sure how we will get them because by the time my mom gets off work the Dr. has gone home and the nurses can't tell her anything. ARGH!

On a lighter note...R isn't much for following rules. On Sunday my mom went to visit him and he had already had his dinner. Well, with the state of hospital food he was still hungry. He got up, got dressed and proceeded to tell my mom he was going to get something to eat. My mom told him he couldn't just walk out of the hospital (the cafeteria was closed), his only response was "you think?" He did in fact walk out of the hospital and walk over to Denny's to have dinner with my mom. Then proceeded to talk back into the hospital, return to his room and ask the nurse for a new gown because they had taken his away.

And I always wondered how hospitals could loose patients...Now we know.