Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Egg Shells

That is what I feel like I am walking on at all time. I no longer feel comfortable in my own home. I have two step-daughters, neither of which are real fond of me. One I at least get along with. They both seem to look down on me because I am not of the same religion, which really pisses me off.

I am at my wits end and am considering something drastic (and expensive). It's not a road I want to take, but I also want to be happy.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Our campus is loaded with bunnies. Cute, furry, little bunnies. They are wonderful to watch as they frolic and play.

They also dig holes in our football field. I have heard stories of the the coaches telling the kids they will get rewarded for each bunny the catch. But what do they do with them? I'm sure it isn't something I really want to know.

One kid told me today that the football coach said he was going to let them bring their bb guns to school to shoot the bunnies. I told the kid I would report them to the SPCA for animal cruelty.

I understand that this is a problem. But just because someone is too lazy to figure out an alternative solution does not mean death is the only option.

I have made this my cause this year. I am determined to find a rescue group who will help to a catch and release program. That way we can manage our rabbit population without doing harm to the animals.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The College Fund

My SD-19 is now living with us. It's been a huge struggle for me to have a full time teen living in the house. She is planning on becoming an ultrasound tech, which is very cool and a good career move.

Here is the problem, she waited until the last minute to apply for any of her loans/grants. The financial guy at the school seems to think between Pell grants and Stafford loans we will only need to come up with $3000. Which is great! Except, we don't have that money and I'm concerned that the almost $300 a month payment is going to be put undue strain on us. I say undue because there is a college fund. A college fund that M doesn't want to use, he would rather hold on to it and give it to SD to use as a nest-egg for a house.

Now, here is my confusion, WHY if you have a college fund would you take on that kind of stress. If it is a house fund, why call it a college fund. M then told me that it is in reality the "L-fund". I about flipped a gasket. I have NEVER heard of doing something like this. Just giving a kid that kind of money, just because (okay, maybe in wealthier families, but not at our standard of living).

M seems upset at me because I don't want to take on the extra debt. I'm upset because I feel my entire life is being put on hold because of money because of what we (meaning he) wants to do with and for the girls. We had started to talk about having a baby (ssshhh, you are the first ones to know that), can't afford a baby because we have a 19-year-0ld living in the house that we have to pay for, and a 14-year-0ld who hates me. Can't afford to take the trips I want because we are so far in debt right now and the only trips M can figure into his mind are big trips with the girls. And apparently we can't go without doing some sort of big trip with them each year.

I am beginning to resent the girls because I am not able to do the things I want to do because he is always putting them first (don't event let me started on pictures, that is a whole other story).
I really don't want to be "this" person, but what I am to do, muffle how I feel, let all the expendable money we happen to get go to things for the girls and let my feelings of resentment get worse?

From what I have heard this is a common feeling among step-parents. Especially when the birth parent puts all their focus on the kids and not on the relationship. I am feeling so stressed that it is starting to affect the relationship I was trying to develop with L.

And to make my feelings worse, M brought up what are we doing to do in 4 years when SD-14 hits college and it could cost $10,000 a year. I said use her college fund and cross that bridge when we get closer to it.