How indulgent...

It's been a long time, a very, very long time. I find my interest in maintaining a blog comes and goes, I tend to journal more on paper than in a public forum (not that this is all that public, considering nobody reads it). I also find that I am not the eloquent writer that most bloggers are, but sometimes I still feel compelled to share, how indulgent of me, I know.

I truly do strive to be a better a writer and express myself in a way that is interesting and compelling. So, I continue to write, I continue to try, and I continue to improve.

Let the madness begin...

I am currently assigning roles for my Spring play, "The Iliad, The Odyssey and all of Greek Mythology, in 99 minutes or less". I'm having a really hard time. I have a cast of 12, over 100 roles and less than 24 hours before the first rehearsal.

I'm really looking forward to this show. I think it can do a lot to revitalize the department (there's a lot of negativity flowing right now, but that's fodder for another post).

I cast several new students, did not do any "veteran perk" casting. I cast the kids I thought would do the best and work the hardest. Now, we just need to make it happen.

A Whole New Year

It's a start of a new school year. A year of new beginnings. I'm looking forward to things taking a positive turn.

This school has a new principal and as much as I loved the last one, I think the school was ready for a change. You can actually feel the positive energy.

I'm looking forward to a good year.

long time...

no post...

Not that it really matters, I don't think anybody ever read this to begin with. But I will plug along and right now I'm considering changing the name to "Things that Piss me off". I'm dealing with a lot of that right now. The most pressing issue....

My neighbors brought me a stay pit bull puppy last Saturday morning. They brought her to me because I have pits, love pits and know people who do pit rescue. So, I have spent the last week having my heart ripped out as I try to find her a new home. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not a rescue. I have called people, emailed, posted on facebook. Reached out anyway I can think of and yet this adorable little girl still lives in my garage and half my back yard. My girl doesn't like her so I can't put them together. Keeping her isn't an option for me because we have two and are looking to adopt kids.

Now for what really pisses me off...the neighbors haven't offered to help feed, walk, train or find her a home. The one time I have talked to one of them about what is going his response was "she has found a home, three doors down" indicating my house. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get over the anger I feel toward them right now. I have already decided I am not going to the July 4 neighborhood party. I don't want to be around them.

Today, that is what pisses me off.

Beginning Students

Today I am working with groups of students on stage as they prepare their final scenes. The group that is set to work with me right now has no idea where their scene takes place. They have had the scripts for several weeks, don't know where it takes place and one of them doesn't know what the script is about. What in the world have they been doing for the past 3 weeks? And will they pass their final? Probably not.

Have you ever...

felt like you were spiraling out of control? Or were at the bottom of a deep, dark pit and couldn't claw your way out?

I feel this amazing sadness engulfing me each day. In the last several months I have had 5 days of what I would call truly relaxing happiness. A time where I felt like I could be me and who that "me" was was accepted by the people I was with.

I am tired of spending most of my days feeling like I don't belong, feeling like I can't do anything right, feeling like a failure.

YIKES!

I just had an AP in my classroom to tell me that there is a student in one of my theatre classes who is mentally ill, they are suspecting bi-polar but don't know for sure. The mom has been informed that she needs to take the kid to see a doctor, if she doesn't he won't be allowed back on campus.

Now, here is the yikes part...he says he has two sides in him, "good X" and "angry X". The "angry X" is telling him to hurt me. This is why he has ran out of my room on various occasions. Normally it is during a rehearsal day and him walking away from me isn't case for referral. A week ago he did it during a class activity, so I wrote him up.

I got an email from his counselor telling me he was having "emotional" issues and if he wasn't in my class he was either with her or the school psyc. The AP talked to the two women about the issue and asked if I had been told what was going on. They told him no. He doesn't know why they were choosing not to tell me, but he thought I should know and told me he is going to do everything to make sure I was safe and felt it best that I know what was going on. Apparently so far "good X" has been able to control "angry X", but it is getting harder, which is why he bolts from my room. The AP says as far as they can tell he doesn't know why I am the target.

I know this is rambling, I'm a bit shaken. And obviously needed to get it off my chest.