Wednesday, December 17, 2008

feeling a little grinchy

I am just not feeling the Christmas spirit. B and D have done it again. This is two years in a row (actually it's been going on for 6 years) that they have made the holiday season miserable. B has decided she doesn't want to go to my families Christmas party. M asked her if she was still coming on Christmas Eve since my family was going to be there, she at first said I don't know, but when he told her that if she was wanting to cut them out of her life he would tell them to return the gifts they bought her. That changed her tune, all of sudden she didn't want to cut them out, she would be there Christmas Eve. Of course now I don't want her there.
My family is trying so hard to make her feel like part of the family and comfortable and welcome and all she can do is spit in their faces. I am so tired of trying to foster some sort of relationship with her. I just want to call it quits and be done with it. I know doing that would upset M, but right now I don't care. I hate to say it but this nonsense maybe be the death of a great relationship.
I don't want it to effect my relationship with M, but when he is so miserable because B doesn't want to come around, doesn't want to be an active part of our family (we are like Disneyland to her, she comes, we plan something and spend money on her and she goes away to her "real" home). I just feel like his relationship with her would be so much better if I just wasn't around. I know that between now and Christmas anytime he has B, I plan on being someplace else. It will just be better that way, I am in a state of mind regarding her that I might just say something I would regret later.
Has anyone else gone through this? Does it ever get better? Easier?
On a brighter note...L is arriving the day after Christmas. That should be fun, that's the step-daughter I get along with. A couple of days after she arrives her best friend is coming. I'm excited, I have planned a few things for me and the 18-year-olds. I think we will have a good time, and as mean as it sounds I'm not taking B with us.

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