Thursday, December 01, 2005

It's spread...

What can I say...a month ago my mom was healthy, then we found out she has breast cancer, a week ago she had a masectomy and the lymph nodes removed, today I found out that there is cancer in the nodes. What does this mean? Is she going to be okay? Why is this happening to my mom?

The nodes have been sent to the oncologist. Now we wait...but for how long? And while they are off doing their tests is she slowly dieing? Did they get it all? With some chemo is she going to be okay?

I'm scared. I feel the need to cry but don't have the time or place. I feel that I have to be not only the responsible one, but now also the strong one. I have to hold it together for my sisters when they find out. Even my dad cried when she was finally out of surgery (and they've been divorced for 11 years). I can't be the one to fall apart. I need to be the one who holds it all together. When all I want to do is curl up in a little ball and hide from the reality that this may be really bad.

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