Friday, December 22, 2006

ex-wives, step-kids and engagements...oh my!

My engagement euphoria has been smashed to bits. I am sure I will be able to get it back, but let me tell you M's ex-wife is the biggest psycopath EVER!

She doesn't want us to tell B (M's youngest daughter) until after her birthday in....JANUARY!!!!! She says we are going to ruin the entire holiday season for her. The kid's 11, they have been divorced for 5 years. I know this is hard for her, but for goodness sake lady, help your child get over it, don't enable her to stay sad about it. She actually said that B may "never be right", now what in the world does that mean? That nobody should move on with their lives because B might not like it, she might not be "right"?

While this woman says she is doing everything in the best interest of the child, it is really about her doing what she feels is best for herself. She doesn't want to deal with the fact that we're getting married so she says it would be best for B to not have to deal with it. We have a TON of family stuff planned for this weekend, how in the world am I supposed to keep this quiet. Not to mention it really hurts that I would even be asked to (yes, I know that is selfish, I don't care). And by the way, I'm not taking that ring off!

My thoughts on this, if he doesn't tell her it looks like he either is 1. ashamed of his relationship with me or 2. he doesn't care about her enough to include her in this. She knew it was coming, he had told her that months ago. He just needs to tell her it has happened.

I think M is going to tell her today when he picks her up for us to go to Slava's Snow Show, but I'm not sure. I am really afraid of how it is all going to play out. I don't want B to be sad, I want her to be happy for her dad, that her dad is happy. But her mom has gotten the child so brainwashed that she feels that if she is happy for her dad she is betraying her mom. And mom doesn't do anything to encourage her otherwise.

If I didn't love M so much I wouldn't put myself through this mess. Sometimes I feel like it just isn't worth it. Fortunately, HE is! He is the most amazing man, but I will post all about him another time.

Parents, what are your thoughts on the subject?

1 comment:

h&b said...

Your thoughts are spot-on.

The child needs to be told FIRST. And besides, she'll know something is up anyway - kids are not stupid !

Much more harmful to be excluded, or told as a ( seemingly ) afterthought long after the occasion. But perhaps then she'd blame you, which is what the ex-wife ultimately desires ? A Wicked Stepmother ?

FYI too - it is difficult to comment on your blog - the 'comments' bit actually doesn't appear anymore, and instead, you have to click on the post title in the right-hand column to be able to reply. Just thought i'd let you know ! :)