Wednesday, October 17, 2007

drowning...

That's what I'm doing, drowning. I have come to the conclusion that I will never catch up, I will never be prepared and I will NOT feel like I am being successful this year.

I have 4 preps (for those of you who don't teach, that means I teach for different classes), one I haven't had to teach in at least 10 years. I have a student teacher, which actually makes things harder. Everyone keeps saying "but you have a student teacher to help". What they don't understand is that the word "STUDENT" means they don't know what they are doing yet. They are just that, a student and are learning and do need my attention from time to time. (I'm still trying to figure out why they would give the likes of me a student teacher).

I really feel like this might end up being the last year I teach. I am just not liking the feelings of "I suck", "I don't know what I'm doing", "I don't have any support" and the mentality that I can handle everything. I used to be able to do that, but somewhere along the line I have lost that ability. I can no longer handle it all! I'm just not that good anymore.

I am so busy I can't even find the time to get into the gym, hell, I can't find the time to work out in my living room. I try, but in the last two days I have developed a nasty cough, can't do anything even mildly related to working out when I have a coughing fit every two minutes.

So, with all that said and feeling like I truly do suck eggs in the job I used to love...I am off to get ready to head to school and have another low self-esteem filled day.

3 comments:

Stacy said...

Ewwww..that sucks! I hope things turn around for you soon! And I am sure you don't 'suck eggs'. It's just hard when we have certain expectations for ourselves & life throws us a curve ball! Keep your chin up :)

sunny said...

I know what you mean. I am having a challenging year. I didn't get off to a very good start and I blame it on the fact that I was unpacking a huge mess when I moved into a new building/new classroom.

I feel like I'm going backwards -- that last year, I was much more on top of it.

I think after we've been doing this job for a few years, and we've made it over the hurdle of being newbie teachers, that we are a little harder on ourselves. Once we know what we are capable of doing, we are frustrated when we don't actually do that all the time. But we're only human, and we have our ups and downs.
This is no ordinary year for you. You were just married. That is a huge life change. Anyway, regardless of whether you stay in teaching, go easy on yourself. Your plate is very full right now...As for myself, I'm looking down the barrel of a short work-week (four days); and report cards being due on Thursday. Have I started them yet? No....

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