The College Fund

My SD-19 is now living with us. It's been a huge struggle for me to have a full time teen living in the house. She is planning on becoming an ultrasound tech, which is very cool and a good career move.

Here is the problem, she waited until the last minute to apply for any of her loans/grants. The financial guy at the school seems to think between Pell grants and Stafford loans we will only need to come up with $3000. Which is great! Except, we don't have that money and I'm concerned that the almost $300 a month payment is going to be put undue strain on us. I say undue because there is a college fund. A college fund that M doesn't want to use, he would rather hold on to it and give it to SD to use as a nest-egg for a house.

Now, here is my confusion, WHY if you have a college fund would you take on that kind of stress. If it is a house fund, why call it a college fund. M then told me that it is in reality the "L-fund". I about flipped a gasket. I have NEVER heard of doing something like this. Just giving a kid that kind of money, just because (okay, maybe in wealthier families, but not at our standard of living).

M seems upset at me because I don't want to take on the extra debt. I'm upset because I feel my entire life is being put on hold because of money because of what we (meaning he) wants to do with and for the girls. We had started to talk about having a baby (ssshhh, you are the first ones to know that), can't afford a baby because we have a 19-year-0ld living in the house that we have to pay for, and a 14-year-0ld who hates me. Can't afford to take the trips I want because we are so far in debt right now and the only trips M can figure into his mind are big trips with the girls. And apparently we can't go without doing some sort of big trip with them each year.

I am beginning to resent the girls because I am not able to do the things I want to do because he is always putting them first (don't event let me started on pictures, that is a whole other story).
I really don't want to be "this" person, but what I am to do, muffle how I feel, let all the expendable money we happen to get go to things for the girls and let my feelings of resentment get worse?

From what I have heard this is a common feeling among step-parents. Especially when the birth parent puts all their focus on the kids and not on the relationship. I am feeling so stressed that it is starting to affect the relationship I was trying to develop with L.

And to make my feelings worse, M brought up what are we doing to do in 4 years when SD-14 hits college and it could cost $10,000 a year. I said use her college fund and cross that bridge when we get closer to it.